Journal
The Barber Pole Is a Surgical Advertisement
The red is for blood. The white is for bandages. For five hundred years you have been walking past a sign that says: we do the bloodletting here.
ReadThe Most Important Color in America
Safety orange does not exist in nature. It was engineered specifically because nature refused to produce it. This is the entire point.
ReadMattress Stores Cannot Possibly Exist
They are always empty. They are never closing. The math does not work and yet here we are, surrounded by mattress stores, sleeping fine.
ReadThe Tube Man Was Made by a Fine Artist
The inflatable dancer outside the car dealership was invented by a Trinidadian carnival artist for the 1996 Olympics. Three people built it. One of them patented it without telling the others. It is now selling used Nissans.
ReadThe Thunder Is Fake and the Mist Is a Lie
The rumble before the vegetable sprinklers fire is a recording. The mist is theater. The produce section is the most sophisticated set in America.
ReadThe Buttons Do Nothing
Most crosswalk buttons are dead. So are the elevator ones. The country is covered in buttons that do nothing to traffic and everything to you.
ReadThe Hardest Working Floor in America
Casino carpet hides everything, keeps you awake, and never asks how it looks. A defense of the most honest floor in America.
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